Adult Matchmaker » Dating Small Talk Tips To Avoiding Big Problems

It can be a terrible ordeal for many of us. It seems to particularly strike when you are out on a date. The symptoms include: sweaty palms, forced laughter, awkward pauses, extended periods of uncomfortable silence and occasional desperate glances toward the nearest exit. It respects no person or title and has an incredible track record of ending relationships that otherwise would have blossomed. I am sure medical people have a term for it (they always do) but for the rest of us it is pretty basic. We are in trouble when it comes to making small talk.

Some people can be the life of the party with chit chat skills that rival Oprah. They seem to know what to say, when to say it and how. Is it gift? In a lot of ways the answer is yes but the ability to connect with people is not only for the chosen few.

You may not ever get your own daytime talk show but with a little practice and patience you can overcome any small talk obstacles in your dating relationship.

1. Develop Self Confidence

Without this one, it is extremely difficult to break thru the small talk barrier. It is not just a matter of speaking without being too self conscious; it also comes down to conveying the right body language. If your date sees that no matter how much you talk, you still look uncomfortable then the chances are pretty strong they will also feel uncomfortable.

Develop self confidence by engaging strangers in small talk. Whether you are in the grocery store checkout line or a crowded elevator, turn to the person next to you and start chatting. What do you talk about? Anything within reason and good taste; remember they are strangers. Talk about the weather, how slow the checkout line is moving, or ask people, “Is it Friday yet”? That one can be a major icebreaker to anyone who holds down a nine to five job.

2. Tone Down Your Self Consciousness

You can think about what you will say to your date and have it all worked out. Worked out that is until the self conscious police take over. How should I say it, what will it sound like, what will my date say,should I even say it? This is only the tip of the iceberg after the self conscious police get thru with you.

Part of having confidence and enjoying yourself on a date is the ability to think of someone other than yourself. If you want to do a personal evaluation save it until the date is over. And even then do not trash yourself. No one is perfect so critique gently and make the adjustments accordingly.

3. Stay Informed

This is an incredible dating tool. Keeping on top of news and current events is perfect for overcoming any small talk obstacles. Staying informed allows you to speak intelligently on a broad range of topics. Keep in mind however you are not doing this to show off so don’t study current events like it’s a college exam. The whole point is to engage your date so that both of you can feel more comfortable. Mentioning a news story you read may lead to an extended conversation where you can really get to know each other.

Again do not go overboard. Be observant to the words and body language of the other person. If the conversation is starting to drag, get a little too one sided or uncomfortably passionate then end it quickly. Try to have a few lines handy to segue into another subject or exit the current one politely.

There is no getting around dating small talk but it is also nothing to fear. Just practice your confidence, leave your self consciousness at the door and stay informed about news and currents events. Good small talk has the capability of putting your date at ease so they feel comfortable enough to share things about their life with you and vice versa.

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3 Things That Can Save You When You Don’t Know What To Say » Adult Matchmaker

You are dating a beautiful but a shy girl or one that is not a talkie. You have already talked about your hobbies, your families and your jobs and nothing else come into your mind and she is not really helping you (that’s what you believe).

One of the best ways of having a good, healthy and wholesome chatwith your girlfriend is to start with small talk. The small talk will give you a general picture about her likes and dislikes, as well as what she would like to discuss and what she would rather leave alone. Once the small talk gives you a general idea, you can go ahead and discuss your common likes and dislikes.

But what is really freaking you are those moment of silence. Uhh… horrible moments. :) The key to avoid or get over these horrible moments are:

1. Compliment her

The fact is most people are shy about meeting new people. I used to be enormously shy. But when you think about it, shyness is merely a fear that others won’t like you, or that you may be rejected in some way. It’s natural for us to desire acceptance. So try to make her know that you like her by making a compliment. But find something that you really find attractive about her, about her lifestyle or her personality. She will become more confident and more open to share her believes and her shyness won’t be a problem for a fluid conversation.

2. Asking open questions

How you ask questions is very important in establishing a basis for an effective communication. Effective questions open the door to knowledge and understanding. The art of questioning lies in knowing which questions to ask when.

My favorites questions are “why” and “how” questions. You can use these frequently without being annoying. She will feel that you are interested in what she is telling you and will develop her answers.

Therefore, you should think carefully before speaking and taking up subjects that might be repugnant to her.

3. Listen, listen, and listen.

Usually when the woman starts talking about her favorite subjects (feelings, family, relationships, friends and her work) many men lose interest or bring the conversation back to themselves. This is one of the biggest mistake men are doing all the time.

They also like to exchange jokes and anecdotes and spend a fair amount of time playing one-up and boasting. Stop doing that!!!

Allow HER to have HER points of view, while you have yours. Men have felt like they have either had to abandon their own beliefs in order to try to get a woman, OR they had to fight with women about what they believe in. Both approaches lead to failure.

She is not there with you just to hear about your hero “qualities”, but to have a great time! You are dating a beautiful but a shy girl or one that is not a talkie. You have already talked about your hobbies, your families and your jobs and nothing else come into your mind and she is not really helping you (that’s what you believe).
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Winning Ideas For Your First Date » Adult Matchmaker

Most men conjure up grandiose first date plans that are a sure-fire way to floor their dream dates. While the super-rich may actually be able to fly their date around three continents in a day in a privately-chartered plane, other mere mortals just have to keep their feet firmly grounded and come up with other creative first date ideas that are equally exciting.

Fly High; Dive Low

Planning a day at the beach just sunbathing is pass. How about planning a day at the beach with an extra twist? Arrange to go parasailing and marvel at the bird’s eye view of what lays beneath. Or, go scuba diving and get another completely different view of what lays beneath. If you both love the water but would rather stay above it, hire a yacht and go out at sea to get a closer look at dolphins frolicking in the water. All are equally exhilarating, unique and unforgettable.

Life is an adventure

Forget about booking a table at a restaurant for dinner; everybody does that! If adventure is something both of you like, arrange to have dinner around a campfire in the mountains. Arrange to spend the day or a couple of days, mountain biking, trekking and rock climbing and give new meaning to the words ‘Love and fresh air’. With nothing and no one to disturb the two of you, this is the perfect opportunity to get to know each other well.

Starry, starry nights

Both of you as passionate about the stars as you are about each other? What better way to spend your first date than star watching. You can take some time off to gaze into each other’s eyes as well. You could go to the planetarium and get a view of the different constellations from a telescope, or you could set up a telescope as well as a midnight picnic right in your backyard or garden.

How to dress on your date

How you dress on your date depends on where you’ve planned to go. A day at the beach calls for nothing more than an itsy-bitsy bikini to reveal your hour-glass figure. Whereas a day out trekking or mountain climbing calls for more rugged clothes that reveal nothing, except your adventurous spirit.

However, if your handsome hunk has organized a night out at the opera with a table booked at an elegant restaurant for dinner, you’ll need something far more glamorous than either a bikini or rugged wear.

Now’s the time to wear that gown you’ve bought and never worn, get those stilettos out of their box and wear those solitaire earrings and diamante necklace that were handed down to you by your grandmother. Do a dress rehearsal a few days prior to your date ‘ check that the gown fits perfectly, make sure the jewelry you choose to wear goes well with the gown. If you have the time and patience, put on your make up and check out the entire effect. Don’t wait for the last minute to find out the shoes are too high or too low for the gown or your necklace does nothing to enhance the neckline of your gown.

A good hair style can make or break the entire ensemble. Do up your hair during your dress rehearsal and see how it looks. If you have time make an appointment and get your hair professionally styled by your regular hair-stylist. This is definitely not the right time to try out a radically new look. Go with something classy and sophisticated and preferably something you’ve tried before and know looks good on you. If you want different, get your hair highlighted for a dramatic effect or get it low-lighted for a sexy look. If going to the salon is out for the question for any reason, just dabbing on some leave-in conditioner or giving your hair a deep-conditioning treatment will leave it looking sleep and perfectly coiffed in a matter of minutes.

Less is more as far as make-up is concerned. You want to look sexy, glamorous and sophisticated, not garish and over made-up. Again, sticking to the tried and tested is far better than experimenting with new make-up ideas.


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